Moving On
by SindyLoo
Summary: "Why would you want to help me after everything I did to you, after the way I treated you…" Olivia looked deep into Brian's eyes; her heart ached as she saw his eyes soften before her."Because I love you, Olivia, that's why." Set directly after Beasts Obsession, Brian and Olivia try to come to terms with and move on from Lewis' return.


**AN: **This is something just came to me while driving one day when I heard Breathe on the radio. I don't really know what this is or if it's any good so… yeah. I'm gonna attempt to get Forever Changed updated soon but there's a lot happening in life so it may not be for another couple of weeks. Thanks so much for all the twitter love guys! This is kinda for **Fiona, Erica and Diana** and their impressive peer pressure skills.  
Regular disclaimers apply, I own nothing- Dick Wolf & NBC own the characters, Lyrics are from Anna Nalick's _Breathe (2am)._  
_

_**We walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes,  
Like they have any right at all to criticize,  
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason…**_

Brian looked down at his phone and groaned when he saw Tucker's name pop up on the screen, it was his first day off after bring undercover for two weeks and he wanted nothing more than to sit on the couch of his hotel room and watch the game. He ignored the call and turned his sights back to the baseball game that had just started. Not even two minutes later his phone rang again Brian took a quick swing of his beer before he finally answered the call, "what do you want Tucker?"

"Good to hear from you too, Cassidy." Tucker replied in his usual sarcastic tone, "I know you're probably just going to lie to me but I have to ask, were you aware that Benson perjured herself during the William Lewis trial?"

Exasperated, Brian sighed. Tucker had already questioned him about the end of his relationship with Olivia and he definitely didn't want to get into anything more with him about his former relationship or the trial that pushed them apart.

Confused about his superior's motives, Brian questioned him, "what are you talking about? Where the hell is this coming from Tucker? The trial's over, Lewis is jail, let it be."

"You don't know?" Tucker's voiced was laced with concern "did you happen to watch the news at all while you were under, Cassidy?"

"No. Why?" Brian was a little unnerved by the concern in his Lieutenant's voice

"Lewis was transferred from Rikers to Bellevue after suffering from a seizure; he managed to escape from Bellevue and…"

"Olivia…" Brian cut his Lieutenant off knowing where this was going, the panic and concern was obvious in his shaking voice, "please tell me you guys got him before he got to her…" Brian rubbed his forehead and inhaled deeply trying to control his emotions.

"That's also why I'm calling you, you and I both know I shouldn't be doing this but I thought you should know she's safe, she's been taken to Mercy… He lured her to an abandoned warehouse. Look, I can't divulge any details but she's alive…"

"Thank you, Tucker." Brian hung up the phone and took a few deep breaths trying to calm himself down before running toward the bedroom to get changed. 

Brian ran through the large doors of the hospital panicked and apprehensive, he stopped only when he saw Olivia's squad sitting in the waiting room; Nick stood up immediately, blocking him from going any farther "what are you doing here, Cassidy? Did the Rat Squad send you in to investigate this?"

Brian's gaze fell heavy on Nick, he wasn't in the mood to put up with anyone, he just wanted to see Olivia and make sure she was safe. "Where is she, Amaro?" he asked, his patience for Olivia's partner already wearing thin.

"Why should I tell you where she is, Cassidy? So you can walk out on her again?" Nick's voice was stern and his face was hardened as he glared angrily at Brian.

Brian's body tensed up at Nick's words, he tried his best to keep his anger at bay as he stepped closer to Nick, barking his reply "you have no idea what went on between Liv and me. Back off and tell me where she is."

Nick scoffed at Brian's words, "I have no idea what went on between you two? I stayed at your apartment for two weeks after the trial and you were never around. She dealt with it on her own and now you want to be here for her? You didn't even attempt to call her when Lewis escaped but you show up now that she's safe? You just want to be the hero. That's typical of you, Cassidy."

Brian's hands balled up into fists as he stepped closer to Olivia's partner, "I'll say it again, Amaro, back off. You know nothing about what we went through and really, you of all people have no right to judge our relationship." Brian looked Nick in the eye and smirked a little before finishing his thought, "how's Maria?"

Before things could get out of hand the two men were separated by an incredibly unimpressed Fin, "both of you need to calm down. What Liv needs right now is support, she doesn't need you two going at it like kids. Nick, take a walk, get some air, and come back once you're calm. And you," Fin said as he turned to Brian, "sit down and breathe. I'll go talk to her in a minute and I'll let her know you're here."

Brian simply shook his head as he started pacing the narrow hallway, "I was undercover man. I didn't know, Tucker just told me." Brian looked up at Fin; his face was laced with sadness and regret as he rubbed his hands over his face, "how'd I let this happen to her, again?"

Fin looked at Brian and was moved by the concern in his voice, immediately his thoughts went back to Olivia's first encounter with Lewis, Brian refused to leave the precinct until he knew she was safe, he wouldn't let himself sleep because he was worried he would miss something. He had to be forced to eat and he threatened everyone on numerous occasions warning them that if they didn't get their act together he'd go out and take care of Lewis on his own.

"You know Liv, she would do anything to protect a victim and this was no different, there was so stopping her. You didn't let anything happen to her, Cassidy, you can't think like that. What really matters is that you're here now." Fin placed a reassuring hand on Brian's back before continuing "I'll go talk to her now and I'll let you know what she says."

Olivia sat on the bed in the sterile hospital room, staring at the plain white walls, her mind running a mile a minute. She knew she did what was right; what was best for Amelia but she also wondered why she allowed herself to get put in that position again. She had only been alone for a little while and her brain was already plagued with flashbacks, she could still feel his hands on her body, his breath on her face and his lips on hers.

Olivia was thankful when she heard a soft knocking on the door and she smiled a little when Fin popped his head in, "Hey, can I come in?"

"Of course."

Fin walked in the room and shut the door behind him, he braced against the wall and looked at her for a few seconds, and he couldn't help but frown at how small she looked. Olivia Benson, the heart of the squad room sat crossed legged on a hospital bed, her face void of all emotion but her eyes showed defeat.

"How you holding up, Liv?"

"I've been better…" Olivia's voice was soft and sad, her eyes darting around the room nervously trying to avoid making eye contact with her friend.

"Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm okay. Thanks"

"Well, we're all here, Liv. Just let us know if you need anything."

"Not everyone's here…" Olivia's voice was shaking and nearly inaudible, she looked up at Fin with tears beginning to well in her eyes and she smiled sadly at her friend, "can I do this again? Can I do this alone?"

Fin sat down in the chair placed beside Olivia's bed and reached over and gently squeezed her hand, "you'll never be alone, Liv. We'll always have your back, _all_ of us." Olivia slowly looked up at Fin confused. "He's here, Liv. Cassidy's here, he wants to see you. I told him I'd check with you and let him know if it's okay…"

Olivia shut her eyes as she exhaled, a single tear rolling down her cheek, "he came…"

"Of course he did. Look, I don't know what went on between you two or why you guys ended things but I do know that he loves you."

Olivia looked up at the man sitting beside her, blushing slightly "he told you that?"

Fin couldn't help but smile at his friend's question and the reddening of her cheeks, "he didn't need to tell me, it's always been obvious." Fin stood up and smiled at his friend, "you'll make it through this Liv you're stronger than you know."

"Thank you, Fin" Olivia nodded and smiled, grateful for her friend, "when you go back out there you can tell Brian to come in…"

Olivia fiddled with the sleeves of the oversized NYPD hoodie she was wearing; she sat tensely on the edge of the bed in the blindingly white room waiting for Brian to come in. She found herself getting more nervous every second, her mind was consumed with thoughts and fears and her concerns of reuniting with Brian.

Y_ou walked away from him, why would he want to see you? Why would you think he even cares after the way you treated him? You didn't even think to call him back after you made him leave, why would he want anything to do with you now? _

Olivia's thoughts were interrupted by the faint sound of knocking at the door, "come in."

"Hey…" Brian slowly entered the room and started to shut the door behind him before stopping himself, remembering that she sometimes had panic attacks and flashbacks when she left concealed in a room, "should I leave it open?"

"No, it's okay. You can close it."

Brian shut the door and pressed his back against it unsure of what to say. He had no idea when things became so awkward between him and Olivia or how either of them allowed it to get that way, there was a time when even during the silences there was a sense of togetherness and now, they've never been farther apart. He ran his hands across the back of his neck and smiled sadly at the woman in front of him.

"Brian, you can come in…"

Brian made his way into Olivia's room and took a seat at her bedside. He looked around for room for a while, his eyes finally resting on the IV drip that was connected to her arm, "how are you?..."

"I'm okay."

"Good. That's good."

The room fell in an awkward silence; the only sounds that could be heard were the winds that were rattling the windows and the sounds of the machines that Olivia was currently hooked up to. Finally Brian broke the silence that engulfed the room, "Liv, I'm so sorry I didn't come sooner, Tucker had me undercover again. If I had known I would've been with you…"

"Bri, please don't beat yourself up. If you had tried to get in contact with me before I probably would've shrugged you off, told you I was fine…"

"But you're not." Brian's placed his hand gently on top of Olivia's as he smiled at her, "I know you, Liv, probably better than you know yourself and if you ever need someone to talk to I'm always going to be here."

Olivia looked at Brian as tears welled in her eyes, "why?"

"What do you mean 'why'?"

"I mean why would you want to help me after everything I did to you, after the way I treated you…" Olivia looked deep into Brian's eyes; her heart ached as she saw his eyes soften before her.

"Because I love you, Olivia, that's why. Any pain you go through I want to help you through it and if I can't do it as your lover, as your partner, then let me do it as your friend…"

"I don't want to be your friend, Brian. That would never be enough for me. You were right, I was protecting myself by not talking to you, not telling you what I went through" Olivia gripped Brian's hand as tears started flowing down her cheeks. "Before all of this happened, I had time to think about us and I realized that you were right about so much. I should've opened up to you but I was scared, scared of getting hurt, of being left, of hearing the things that I didn't want to hear. I'm sorry I didn't try harder, I'm sorry I didn't fight harder to make us work." their eyes connected and Olivia exhaled deeply.

Brian looked at Olivia intently, gently squeezing her hand, silently urging her to go on.

"The first time he had me was different. It was violent, it was physical and it was ugly. This time, was more psychological. He knew me. He knew what to say, he knew what to do, It was a game to him, _I_ was a game.." Olivia choked on her sobs as she tried to gain her composure, "he…he sexually assaulted me this time. He almost raped me but decided not to when I didn't put up a fight. We played Russian Roulette instead. I could've died and all I could think about was you and the ways I screwed up our relationship." Olivia inhaled sharply, hoping that finally opening up to Brian will have made a difference. She was ready to move on from Lewis but she knew she didn't want to move on alone, she wanted to move on with Brian. "I'm sorry, that's all I can handle saying right now..."

Brian's eyes glistened with tears as he brought Olivia's hand to his lips, "thank you. Thank you for trusting me. Please don't blame yourself, you weren't the only one in the wrong, I made my share of mistakes during the course of our relationship. I took you for granted. I'm sorry. Oh, and one more thing, Liv…"

"Yes Brian?"

"I was wrong too."

Olivia looked at Brian confused and uneasy. She couldn't help but think that Brian had finally come to his senses and realized that he deserved someone better, someone who never questioned his love or someone who he wouldn't need to push to get to talk to him.

"I do want to grow old, and I want to grow old with you." Brian smiled sweetly and couldn't help but feel a little overjoyed when he saw a smile creep onto Olivia's face, "I was scared, Liv. I was scared of all the things you were, and it was easier to push those fears aside than actually talk about them but when I heard about Lewis, none of that mattered anymore. I have never felt fear like I did when I thought I'd lost you, again and I never want to experience that again. I want you, until I'm too old to remember you. I want you until the day that I die and if you can tell me that you'll let me in; let me help you, that you'll finally talk to me, then Liv, I want to not only try this again, I want to make this work."

Olivia raised their intertwined hands and placed it over her heart and smiled, "I will, Brian. I may need some time to come to terms with this but I promise I'll let you in. I want to move on from this and I want to move on with you, I want to grow past this with you; I want to learn how to live and enjoy life again, with you because I love you, Brian. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Olivia." Brian stood up and placed a gentle kiss on Olivia's forehead, "now how about I go talk to a nurse and see when I can get you out of here? Oh by the way, your partner still hates me."

Olivia chuckled as Brian walked out of the room and for the first time since coming back into contact with Lewis, she truly felt safe and at ease.

_L__**ife's like an hourglass, glued to the table**_  
_**No one can find the rewind button, girl.**_  
_**So cradle your head in your hands**_  
_**And breathe... just breathe**_


End file.
